I think my hunger will be satisfied with company, and the fear of loneliness and my anxiety and catastrophic thoughts take over me, and no matter how determined I am to make healthy changes, that anxiety clouds my judgment, and I make mistake after mistake.
Isdrah, this is such a real response. I know this very well. I use to say that I didn’t want to be around people and than I went years isolated and saw anxiety and loneliness come out of no where and I didn’t even know what to call it. And you are right. Company with the right people is a game changer. Especially people who grow to understand you and gives you language for where you are.
But on the flip side I think loneliness does almost cloud our mind and judgment at times as well. Finding that freedom and learning form our mistakes rather than allowing it to fester in our heart can cause big break through as well.
It’s wild how I kept thinking about this letter this week and each time there was this uncomfortable feeling that I couldn’t get rid of and didn’t have the words for…until now.
Today, while reading again especially the part about the homeless man, initially I thought I’m nothing like that. But as I started typing this response…if I’m honest I’ve been more like him throughout my life than I’d care to admit. I began to reflect on times in my life where I thought trying different “foods” might bring fulfillment. I moved to another state, yet to discover that it just left a bad taste in my mouth. I joined a sorority only to denounce it years later…obviously no satisfaction there. I entered into situationships that I knew weren’t good for me, yet hoping they maybe would at least bring some kind of satisfaction, only leaving them sick and weak. Almost as if I had contracted a food-borne illness that needed a lengthy recovery time . I got my nose pierced (now I do love my piercing lol) to avoid a “hunger pain” only to discover while I love the way it looks it still left me wanting more. Like what happens when you eat something that looks and tastes good but absolutely has no real nutritional value to it. I could literally keep going with more ways but I think you get where I’m going or at least I hope you do.
Now I am finally in a place in my life where many of the “food insecurities” I had have been satisfied by God. Yet after sitting with your question of “what am I really hungry for,” there is still this one way in which I have yet to experience satiety. I want to finally feel like I can really breathe again without secretly hiding the fact that I’m wondering if and when that breath be snatched away again.
I now understand why this letter made me feel so uncomfortable and why I avoided reading it again until now. Especially when I know that your letters have a track record of finding me in one way or the other. I know this is a super long comment and part of me feels guilty because I know you have TONS to filter through, but the other part of me is grateful that I have a safe place to release it to.
Looooook who’s bacccckkk!!!! 🙌🏾🙌🏾🙌🏾🤭Joy has entered the town square after her vacation lol.
Listen… I had to change clothes because I feel like y’all had me on the purpose journey map for eternity lol. Sheeesh. Okay let’s dig into your comment.
First, thanks for adding to the convo and to the letter. Love what you have bought to the feast. I think the idea of scarcity vs. abundance is truly valid and a great thought. I do believe that is true. But than I think about my momma saying to me “well I guess you must not be hungry”… because I refused to eat was she cooked lol.
But your second thought on fullness is right where I am. Because I think that’s why I judged the man because I was full as I watched him. But when you say “Alive”… that is soooooo good because I agree so many want that feeling but haven’t been able to name it. I know I been there. And I think I’ve done that tattoo run before as well hahaha. This is sooooo good. So many people avoid this truth but like you said this is truly where EQ and emotionally healthy spirituality meets. And that’s why we are under the sun. Period.
And third, Lord Jesus. This is the one I don’t think I even saw coming. And if I’m honest I can see me turning this one into a letter for sure. I agree we could def be afraid to eat what will nourish us for sure. Physically and spiritually and emotionally. I think about wanting what taste good over what is good but bitter. And I agree we hear all the time how a homeless person will take the money and buy the opposite of what it was given for. You hit it on the head MPA 🙌🏾.
When I first moved overseas I went thru this. I had to grow to like the food here because it was so different taste wise than what I was use too. Less sugar, no preservatives, no High fructose corn syrup, less seasoning 🤦🏾♂️ I thought I was dying because of the withdrawals. But I was too far away from any alternatives and I had to adjust and with that came life changes, weight loss, lower blood pressure etc. great benefits that I might not have received if I stayed in the same region and around the same trash cans. 🫣
And back to your point. Now when I go back to USA I can’t even handle the food. It’s too salty. Makes me sick etc. because I’ve been full on something else that fills me and satisfy me. Wow. You talking Good Ms. EQ.
But let me wrap my response up. I didn’t do the scripture this week because like you said I feel like this needed a different lens for sure. I felt like this was a “parable”. That’s what I loved about Jesus. He didn’t always use scripture or writings from those who came before him. He used parables. Practical life stories with real applications.
https://youtu.be/1EhVqrxD5vw I use ChatGPT to decode my dreams then create songs. I have learned, and am learning, that I'm good, and ok.
This is great Rebecca.
https://youtu.be/jvf0IvIYn7o For those craving attention.
I’m bout to take a listen
I think my hunger will be satisfied with company, and the fear of loneliness and my anxiety and catastrophic thoughts take over me, and no matter how determined I am to make healthy changes, that anxiety clouds my judgment, and I make mistake after mistake.
Isdrah, this is such a real response. I know this very well. I use to say that I didn’t want to be around people and than I went years isolated and saw anxiety and loneliness come out of no where and I didn’t even know what to call it. And you are right. Company with the right people is a game changer. Especially people who grow to understand you and gives you language for where you are.
But on the flip side I think loneliness does almost cloud our mind and judgment at times as well. Finding that freedom and learning form our mistakes rather than allowing it to fester in our heart can cause big break through as well.
What do you feel blocks you the most?
Loneliness
Are you open to receiving that company you’re hungry for or are you struggling with that?
Im open totally
This is sooo good🥰
We could still hunger and not be fulfilled OR WE COULD BECOME OBESE 😲😕🤮
🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔
It’s wild how I kept thinking about this letter this week and each time there was this uncomfortable feeling that I couldn’t get rid of and didn’t have the words for…until now.
Today, while reading again especially the part about the homeless man, initially I thought I’m nothing like that. But as I started typing this response…if I’m honest I’ve been more like him throughout my life than I’d care to admit. I began to reflect on times in my life where I thought trying different “foods” might bring fulfillment. I moved to another state, yet to discover that it just left a bad taste in my mouth. I joined a sorority only to denounce it years later…obviously no satisfaction there. I entered into situationships that I knew weren’t good for me, yet hoping they maybe would at least bring some kind of satisfaction, only leaving them sick and weak. Almost as if I had contracted a food-borne illness that needed a lengthy recovery time . I got my nose pierced (now I do love my piercing lol) to avoid a “hunger pain” only to discover while I love the way it looks it still left me wanting more. Like what happens when you eat something that looks and tastes good but absolutely has no real nutritional value to it. I could literally keep going with more ways but I think you get where I’m going or at least I hope you do.
Now I am finally in a place in my life where many of the “food insecurities” I had have been satisfied by God. Yet after sitting with your question of “what am I really hungry for,” there is still this one way in which I have yet to experience satiety. I want to finally feel like I can really breathe again without secretly hiding the fact that I’m wondering if and when that breath be snatched away again.
I now understand why this letter made me feel so uncomfortable and why I avoided reading it again until now. Especially when I know that your letters have a track record of finding me in one way or the other. I know this is a super long comment and part of me feels guilty because I know you have TONS to filter through, but the other part of me is grateful that I have a safe place to release it to.
Looooook who’s bacccckkk!!!! 🙌🏾🙌🏾🙌🏾🤭Joy has entered the town square after her vacation lol.
Listen… I had to change clothes because I feel like y’all had me on the purpose journey map for eternity lol. Sheeesh. Okay let’s dig into your comment.
First, thanks for adding to the convo and to the letter. Love what you have bought to the feast. I think the idea of scarcity vs. abundance is truly valid and a great thought. I do believe that is true. But than I think about my momma saying to me “well I guess you must not be hungry”… because I refused to eat was she cooked lol.
But your second thought on fullness is right where I am. Because I think that’s why I judged the man because I was full as I watched him. But when you say “Alive”… that is soooooo good because I agree so many want that feeling but haven’t been able to name it. I know I been there. And I think I’ve done that tattoo run before as well hahaha. This is sooooo good. So many people avoid this truth but like you said this is truly where EQ and emotionally healthy spirituality meets. And that’s why we are under the sun. Period.
And third, Lord Jesus. This is the one I don’t think I even saw coming. And if I’m honest I can see me turning this one into a letter for sure. I agree we could def be afraid to eat what will nourish us for sure. Physically and spiritually and emotionally. I think about wanting what taste good over what is good but bitter. And I agree we hear all the time how a homeless person will take the money and buy the opposite of what it was given for. You hit it on the head MPA 🙌🏾.
When I first moved overseas I went thru this. I had to grow to like the food here because it was so different taste wise than what I was use too. Less sugar, no preservatives, no High fructose corn syrup, less seasoning 🤦🏾♂️ I thought I was dying because of the withdrawals. But I was too far away from any alternatives and I had to adjust and with that came life changes, weight loss, lower blood pressure etc. great benefits that I might not have received if I stayed in the same region and around the same trash cans. 🫣
And back to your point. Now when I go back to USA I can’t even handle the food. It’s too salty. Makes me sick etc. because I’ve been full on something else that fills me and satisfy me. Wow. You talking Good Ms. EQ.
But let me wrap my response up. I didn’t do the scripture this week because like you said I feel like this needed a different lens for sure. I felt like this was a “parable”. That’s what I loved about Jesus. He didn’t always use scripture or writings from those who came before him. He used parables. Practical life stories with real applications.
This is why we are “Under The Sun” again lol.
Thanks for this rich conversation. Soooooo good.
Ms. MPA… we cooking over here hahahaha. Let’s goooo!
Thanks for coming back out to the TS with the goodies lol.
😂😂😂 I literally was thinking this song when I saw your comment. And I also heard “mase” welcome back, welcome back, welcome back Lolol
🫶🏽