This is a great letter. In my journey of friendship, it is always important to me to be a great friend and not let what others go thru affect the way I continue to show up for my friends. I’ve always been extremely loyal, caring, giving without ever having an ulterior motive of receiving anything in return.
But what if friendship is rejected continuously by the other party? What if you’ve genuinely tried to be there for someone as a great friend but they were unable to recognize the genuine friendship due to their own insecurities and doubt? What if the very friendship you continued to show up for was never reciprocated yet you still continued showing up until it became exhausting? What if you tried to reach out via phone continuously just to make sure your friend is ok and no reply, ever?
Do you continue fighting for the friendship in hopes one day they will recognize your sincerity? Friendships work both ways, like plants, they have to be watered from both sides. I definitely have one person who always comes to mind when I think of friendship, but unfortunately I can’t reach out because my phone was damaged that contains there number and I can’t access my iCloud, so I can’t reach out if I wanted too.
Honestly, I could reach out to the parents and get the phone number but then I ask myself why would I do that? To purposely get hurt, to not be taken seriously, to be ignored, to feel rejected, I’d rather keep showing up supporting when I can, cheering from the sidelines, and not continue keep setting myself up for disappointment and rejection.
So for me, friendship has to be genuinely an open dialogue between both parties with pure intentions for it to grow into best friend status over time.
I believe there are levels to friendship, and I get what you’re saying. But this letter was speaking directly to the best friend level.
One person can hold an expectation of a friendship that the other party never agreed to. That’s not rejection… it’s more of what I would call a mismatch. Think about it. I could want to be friends with President Obama. Send inboxes, emails, comment under every post. Him not responding to me doesn’t mean he rejected me. It just means he never entered into anything with me in the first place.
Friendship is a covenant, not a gift you can hand somebody without their consent. When we pour out and nothing comes back, we say “they rejected me”… but often we assigned somebody a role they never agreed to. Which was my point in the letter… are people claiming best friend with the other person and that person has not accepted and claimed them. Because there must be consent.
There is a difference between loving somebody and being owed by them. Real love… the kind you described, giving with no ulterior motive… doesn’t create a debt. The moment we start counting what came back, we weren’t giving it freely… we were investing. And investments can disappoint you when you don’t get the return or response you expect.
Cheering from the sidelines is still love. There’s no shame in that. Just don’t call it rejection. Call it what it is: you loved somebody at a level they weren’t able to meet you at or didn’t consent to… or maybe wasn’t looking for.
I’ll leave you with this… you wanting to be friends with someone who may not want you in that compartment in their life… says everything about your capacity and nothing about your worth. And it doesn’t make that person wrong.
That’s a great response. I actually never looked at it from that point of view. That genuinely makes a lot of sense. It was not rejection if there was never a consent from both parties. It’s great to hear the different point of views where one topic can be viewed differently but give greater clarity. Great post and I believe we are all watching to see the outcome of the Nolan Wells case.
It’s all good. We all have our perspectives… and that why I started writing these letters. To let people into life from my point of view. And I love the comments because it shares with me another perspective from someone else point of view. It’s how we eventually get to the full picture. And yes we are all waiting. And my heart is all over the place for that young man and his family.
Mine too. It broke my heart seeing his mom in tears on my timeline today but still being grateful to everyone for all the support. My son relocated to California with his airline job with no friends or family just wanting a fresh start. Although I speak to him on FaceTime everyday I pray for his safety daily. I think this struck a nerve in every one of all nationalities just wanting to know the truth of what actually happened. Safe travels to you as well.
This is a great letter. In my journey of friendship, it is always important to me to be a great friend and not let what others go thru affect the way I continue to show up for my friends. I’ve always been extremely loyal, caring, giving without ever having an ulterior motive of receiving anything in return.
But what if friendship is rejected continuously by the other party? What if you’ve genuinely tried to be there for someone as a great friend but they were unable to recognize the genuine friendship due to their own insecurities and doubt? What if the very friendship you continued to show up for was never reciprocated yet you still continued showing up until it became exhausting? What if you tried to reach out via phone continuously just to make sure your friend is ok and no reply, ever?
Do you continue fighting for the friendship in hopes one day they will recognize your sincerity? Friendships work both ways, like plants, they have to be watered from both sides. I definitely have one person who always comes to mind when I think of friendship, but unfortunately I can’t reach out because my phone was damaged that contains there number and I can’t access my iCloud, so I can’t reach out if I wanted too.
Honestly, I could reach out to the parents and get the phone number but then I ask myself why would I do that? To purposely get hurt, to not be taken seriously, to be ignored, to feel rejected, I’d rather keep showing up supporting when I can, cheering from the sidelines, and not continue keep setting myself up for disappointment and rejection.
So for me, friendship has to be genuinely an open dialogue between both parties with pure intentions for it to grow into best friend status over time.
I believe there are levels to friendship, and I get what you’re saying. But this letter was speaking directly to the best friend level.
One person can hold an expectation of a friendship that the other party never agreed to. That’s not rejection… it’s more of what I would call a mismatch. Think about it. I could want to be friends with President Obama. Send inboxes, emails, comment under every post. Him not responding to me doesn’t mean he rejected me. It just means he never entered into anything with me in the first place.
Friendship is a covenant, not a gift you can hand somebody without their consent. When we pour out and nothing comes back, we say “they rejected me”… but often we assigned somebody a role they never agreed to. Which was my point in the letter… are people claiming best friend with the other person and that person has not accepted and claimed them. Because there must be consent.
There is a difference between loving somebody and being owed by them. Real love… the kind you described, giving with no ulterior motive… doesn’t create a debt. The moment we start counting what came back, we weren’t giving it freely… we were investing. And investments can disappoint you when you don’t get the return or response you expect.
Cheering from the sidelines is still love. There’s no shame in that. Just don’t call it rejection. Call it what it is: you loved somebody at a level they weren’t able to meet you at or didn’t consent to… or maybe wasn’t looking for.
I’ll leave you with this… you wanting to be friends with someone who may not want you in that compartment in their life… says everything about your capacity and nothing about your worth. And it doesn’t make that person wrong.
That’s a great response. I actually never looked at it from that point of view. That genuinely makes a lot of sense. It was not rejection if there was never a consent from both parties. It’s great to hear the different point of views where one topic can be viewed differently but give greater clarity. Great post and I believe we are all watching to see the outcome of the Nolan Wells case.
It’s all good. We all have our perspectives… and that why I started writing these letters. To let people into life from my point of view. And I love the comments because it shares with me another perspective from someone else point of view. It’s how we eventually get to the full picture. And yes we are all waiting. And my heart is all over the place for that young man and his family.
Mine too. It broke my heart seeing his mom in tears on my timeline today but still being grateful to everyone for all the support. My son relocated to California with his airline job with no friends or family just wanting a fresh start. Although I speak to him on FaceTime everyday I pray for his safety daily. I think this struck a nerve in every one of all nationalities just wanting to know the truth of what actually happened. Safe travels to you as well.
We went there 🫣
You know it… Skkrrt skrrtt (in the words of Joy) hahahaha 🙌🏾