First off I love the profile name “The Quiet Yes” … that’s a winner. And second, you know what’s funny. Everytime I sit down to write or I’m prepping my thoughts… I always say this prayer with my intention “Lord, allow this letter to reach the person that needs to be seen. Make it their mirror”. 😮 so what you just said is an answer prayer.
Thanks for the feedback and comment. And listen, I want the folks to come back and keep chewing lol.
Whew!! I read it the first time. The second time I read it out loud, I started to weep. I felt like truth was staring me in my face, the pressures and versions of myself God never intended or asked me to be came in the presence of truth and shattered. I have read many writings. This by far is the most powerful, my words does not sum up the impact by this. It’s as if the breath of God was on every word. THANK YOU!!
Whew. The presence of truth shattering the versions of yourself God never asked for… you just said in one line what I was trying to say in the whole letter. You know the words that shatter us are usually the ones we already knew were true and were just waiting for permission to feel. You gave yourself that permission today. That is the brave part.
Thank you for the comment and thank you for trusting me with this. 🫶🏽
Whew the way you have just read me my rights should be studied! I started the sonship journey last year. Nobody could have prepared me for how disorienting it was. I knew I was hiding BUT I thought for years that it was the cross I had to carry. I convinced myself that it was apart of me suffering with Christ. When I looked up from all the accomplishments and hiding I saw a version of me that lacked intimacy. I couldn't disconnect my identity from the perception I had made for people. I was mad at God because I wanted him to love me for me...I had given God all the works of my hand but my heart was hiding. I disassociated from the desires of my heart that even he had given me. And even through the voids, loneliness, and sorrow that was much easier than to face my true self and rebuild my true identity. It was easier than confronting my addiction to validation and acceptance. It was easier than accepting that I was always bargaining my worth with greater acts of service/usefulness. To be honest I'm still working through "the worker" rehab. It has lead to me being able to rest in relationships, God included. The hidden pressure and fear from abandonment and rejection is dissipating. I'd be lying if I said there are still times I feel lost and have to recalibrate but the work is worth it. Being loved without cause is something everyone should experience. There is so much I want to say but all in all- Thank you! Thank you for giving a voice and insight to a journey I've been walking with no compass.
I just read your comment three times and you know what … I called it the cross too. For years I told myself the hiding was holiness. So when you say your heart was hiding while your hands kept working… I did not read that as a stranger.
Now let me tell you something I did not put in the letter. Something I have only learned on the other side of it. When the striving finally starts to dry up… it does not feel like freedom at first. It feels like dying. Because you expect that when you finally stop bargaining for your worth, you will feel lighter. At peace. And instead, the first thing you feel is terror. Because the worker does not know who she is without the work. When the performing stops, a voice within asks the most frightening question you have ever heard…
“If I am not being used… am I still useful?”
“If I stop earning it… will anyone stay?”
And here is the revelation that changed my life, so I am going to give it to you, because I think you are ready for it.
That terror is the healing.
You said it yourself, there are still days you have to recalibrate. Listen, that is so true. The work is to stay in that room long enough… to keep showing up to a love you did not earn … and one day your body stops bracing for the bill of disappointment. And the emptiness you were so afraid of turns out to be the only place you have ever been able to rest.
You are already further in than you think. The fact that you can feel the difference now… the fact that the hidden pressure is dissipating… the fact that you can rest in relationships, God included… that is not a small thing. That is the root drying up. You are watching it happen in real time
You said you have been walking this with no compass. I know that feeling more than I can put in one message. So let me just be one voice on the road who has walked a little further ahead, turning around to tell you… you are going the right way.
Wow! So many gems!
This is one of those reads that forces you to stand in the mirror and slowly raise your eyes to see the person staring back at you.
Come.
Identity.
You can’t pour from a cup you never allowed anyone to fill. 😮💨
Before there was a purpose or a calling, there was a relationship. A being. Not a doing. Come. Just be.
Thank you for this. This is good groceries! I’m still chewing on it. It’s like well done steak. Takes a while to chew before you can swallow. 😂
First off I love the profile name “The Quiet Yes” … that’s a winner. And second, you know what’s funny. Everytime I sit down to write or I’m prepping my thoughts… I always say this prayer with my intention “Lord, allow this letter to reach the person that needs to be seen. Make it their mirror”. 😮 so what you just said is an answer prayer.
Thanks for the feedback and comment. And listen, I want the folks to come back and keep chewing lol.
Thank you. I appreciate that! 🫶🏽
I love that! God is so kind and mindful of us! 🥰 always speaking and answering.
I’m definitely coming back! I plan to sit, soon, and read all you’ve written! Thank you so much!
Whew!! I read it the first time. The second time I read it out loud, I started to weep. I felt like truth was staring me in my face, the pressures and versions of myself God never intended or asked me to be came in the presence of truth and shattered. I have read many writings. This by far is the most powerful, my words does not sum up the impact by this. It’s as if the breath of God was on every word. THANK YOU!!
Whew. The presence of truth shattering the versions of yourself God never asked for… you just said in one line what I was trying to say in the whole letter. You know the words that shatter us are usually the ones we already knew were true and were just waiting for permission to feel. You gave yourself that permission today. That is the brave part.
Thank you for the comment and thank you for trusting me with this. 🫶🏽
Whew the way you have just read me my rights should be studied! I started the sonship journey last year. Nobody could have prepared me for how disorienting it was. I knew I was hiding BUT I thought for years that it was the cross I had to carry. I convinced myself that it was apart of me suffering with Christ. When I looked up from all the accomplishments and hiding I saw a version of me that lacked intimacy. I couldn't disconnect my identity from the perception I had made for people. I was mad at God because I wanted him to love me for me...I had given God all the works of my hand but my heart was hiding. I disassociated from the desires of my heart that even he had given me. And even through the voids, loneliness, and sorrow that was much easier than to face my true self and rebuild my true identity. It was easier than confronting my addiction to validation and acceptance. It was easier than accepting that I was always bargaining my worth with greater acts of service/usefulness. To be honest I'm still working through "the worker" rehab. It has lead to me being able to rest in relationships, God included. The hidden pressure and fear from abandonment and rejection is dissipating. I'd be lying if I said there are still times I feel lost and have to recalibrate but the work is worth it. Being loved without cause is something everyone should experience. There is so much I want to say but all in all- Thank you! Thank you for giving a voice and insight to a journey I've been walking with no compass.
I just read your comment three times and you know what … I called it the cross too. For years I told myself the hiding was holiness. So when you say your heart was hiding while your hands kept working… I did not read that as a stranger.
Now let me tell you something I did not put in the letter. Something I have only learned on the other side of it. When the striving finally starts to dry up… it does not feel like freedom at first. It feels like dying. Because you expect that when you finally stop bargaining for your worth, you will feel lighter. At peace. And instead, the first thing you feel is terror. Because the worker does not know who she is without the work. When the performing stops, a voice within asks the most frightening question you have ever heard…
“If I am not being used… am I still useful?”
“If I stop earning it… will anyone stay?”
And here is the revelation that changed my life, so I am going to give it to you, because I think you are ready for it.
That terror is the healing.
You said it yourself, there are still days you have to recalibrate. Listen, that is so true. The work is to stay in that room long enough… to keep showing up to a love you did not earn … and one day your body stops bracing for the bill of disappointment. And the emptiness you were so afraid of turns out to be the only place you have ever been able to rest.
You are already further in than you think. The fact that you can feel the difference now… the fact that the hidden pressure is dissipating… the fact that you can rest in relationships, God included… that is not a small thing. That is the root drying up. You are watching it happen in real time
You said you have been walking this with no compass. I know that feeling more than I can put in one message. So let me just be one voice on the road who has walked a little further ahead, turning around to tell you… you are going the right way.
Keep going.
I’m so proud of you.
(Sorry for the long comment back 🤭)
Wow! So powerful! We serve for his heart and not his hand… ideally! Thanks for this perspective bro!