The Donkeys of Your Life

[Sitting on the floor, in the middle of my airbnb... drinking a hot matcha latte.]

I was cleaning out one of my email inboxes this week. And what I discovered… I believe will bless your life.

I came across an email from Vimeo about an old account renewal. I honestly had completely forgotten the account existed. So I clicked on it and OMG… sitting in there was ten years of me. Archive video… after archive video of me preaching from seven. eight. Nine. Even ten years ago.

One of the videos jumped out at me… so I pressed play.

And I sat there and listened to the whoooleee thing.

Before I continue, I highly suggest that you listen to this letter by clicking play above for the article voiceover… for the full experience this week… but if you cannot I totally understand. You can continue reading.

Today I want to share a word with you that I spoke over seven years ago, that I felt needed to reach you… But before I give you the word, let me tell you about the man on that tape before you hear him.

Publicly, he was in the best season of his life. Thousands of people. Doors opening everywhere. Everybody wanted something from him, and he had the goods to deliver it to them. And I promise you… If you had passed him on the street you would have thought that man had it all figured out.

However, privately, he was fighting... fight internally… and fighting to get out of bed every single day. Just to go and minister. And it sounds crazy to even write that now. But that is the man you are about to hear.

And this is what he preached about that morning.

He preached about Balaam. The prophet in Numbers 22 who has a track record with God, the anointing of God and big offers on the table. The man riding down a road on a donkey, and the donkey keeps veering off the path. Then finally the donkey just lays down on the road underneath him and will not move.

And Balaam beats her three times for it.

He preached it beautifully. He told that room that God assigns donkeys to your life to keep you on track. That the thing irritating you is the thing protecting you. He said, and I am quoting him:

“that the donkeys of our lives are sometimes sent to save us from us.”

He was right about all of it.

And he had no idea he was preaching about himself.

I feel this strange need to share something with him publicly in this letter… but I believe it might be for you too . Here is what I want to say to him. Seven years late.

You were Balaam.

You had the track record with God. You had the offers on the table. You had a whole room hanging on to your voice. And you were riding down a road you had no business being on, and you could not see the sword, and something had been turning you sideways for years.

Your donkey was “me”… your own body.

Every morning it laid down under you. It would not get up. And you were calling it warfare. You kept calling it the enemy. You called it something you had to fight through and push past and pray through.

That thing was standing between you and something you could not see yet. And I kept taking the hit. And you kept beating me. Every single morning you beat me, and then you put on the suit and got in the Rolls Royce and went and preached about donkeys.

You said the donkey sees the sword before the rider does.

You said some of you are the donkey, carrying people who are beating you for it. You were carrying a whole church on your back, dozens of people on payroll, running a whole record label and entertainment company and beating me every morning for needing rest.

And then, in the middle of that message, you said this. Even though money answers all things there are certain things that money cannot buy.

Money can buy you a house but it cannot buy you a home.

Money can buy you people but it cannot buy you lasting relationships.

Money can buy you marketing but it cannot make your name good.

Money can buy you religion but it cannot buy you intimacy with God.

Money can buy you a bed but it cannot buy you rest.

Money can buy you a lot of stuff but there are some things that money cannot buy.

You said those lines to a room full of people while you were the man in that room who bought the bed but could not find rest.

But I will not stand over that man and shake my head at him without sharing the other part.

He was afraid.

Very nervous. Honestly, he was thinking about every single person attached to him and not one thought about himself. He had people depending on him, and a name, and a whole world built on him being the one who could carry it. Nobody had ever told him he was allowed to put it down.

I wouldn’t say he was a coward. I believe he was a man doing the only thing he knew how to do, with the information he had. So… he preached that word anyway. Sick, tired, empty, depressed, fighting for rest, he got up and gave that room something true… that flowed from his anointing.

The people received it that morning.

And a couple years later, it finally landed on him.

I have to be honest… I did not expect all of this when I pressed play.

So if you are listening to this voiceover… I am about to allow you to hear a portion of this man’s voice, his sanctuary, his cadence… from over seven years ago.

I want you to listen to this man preach about the donkey he could not see in his own life.

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When the message is over, think about these two questions:

What has been turning sideways in your life lately?

The friend who keeps saying what you do not want to hear. The relationship that ended and felt like it ruined you. The door that closed. The body that keeps sending you signals you keep ignoring or praying away. The thing you have been calling opposition all year.

Some of that is not opposition. Some of that is a donkey standing in front of a sword you cannot see, taking the strike for you. And you have been beating it for the inconvenience.

What oppositions have appeared in your life that might not be from the enemy but may be sent from God?

Because that is the real terror of Balaam. Not that he was a bad man. He was a gifted one. But when opposition appeared in his life standing between what he desired… it caused him to become angry and frustrated and the people around him were the ones to feel it.

What is making you angry and impatient could be a sign you are heading in the wrong direction.

I pray, this word moves you like it moved me… because what he says at the end of the message hit me so hard.

I’ll write you next Sunday .

Gold,